From Bach’s B minor Mass, Karl Richter.
January 4, 2009
Anglican Predictions for 2009
Anglican church attendance in North America will continue to decline.
Katherine Jefferts-Schori and Fred Hiltz will stem the tide by continuing to speak with a prophetic voice: they will apologise for their heterosexuality and will work to aspire more closely to the homosexual ideal.
Some heterosexual clergy will have a sex change operation so that they can more fully express their inner homosexuality.
Other, more moderate clergy will become cross-dressers.
Rowan Williams will shave his beard in order to appear more effeminate.
Katherine Jefferts-Schori will start wearing makeup in order to appear more effeminate.
Gene Robinson will realise that nothing he can do will make him appear more effeminate.
Robinson will declare that he is living proof that there is a gay gene.
Conversations and dialogue will continue on the meaning of the word “evangelism”. The provisional conclusion will be that it means “inclusion”.
The North American dioceses that favour more inclusion will demand oaths of allegiance to the bishop before members are allowed to take Communion. This is how they will evangelise.
Fred Hiltz will continue to encourage Canadian dioceses to honour the moratorium on same sex blessings – to the greatest extent possible.
Fred Hiltz will preside at same sex blessing ceremonies in the dioceses of New Westminster, Niagara, Montreal and Ottawa.
A mole in the diocese of Niagara will leak that Michael Bird wears platform shoes.
