Anglican Samizdat

August 7, 2009

The final frontier: marrying inanimate objects

Filed under: The fall of the West — David Jenkins @ 9:38 pm
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This is what happens when you redefine marriage:Add an Image

Amy Wolfe, a US church organist who claims to have objectum sexuality, a condition that makes sufferers be attracted to inanimate objects, plans to marry a magic carpet fairground ride.

This follows a “courtship” of 3,000 rides over ten years with the 80ft gondola ride called 1001 Nachts.

Miss Wolfe, 33, from Pennsylvania, will change her surname to Weber after the manufacturer of the ride she travels 160 miles to visit 10 times per year, according to reports

“I love him as much as women love their husbands and know we’ll be together forever,” she said.

Miss Wolfe first fell for the ride when she was 13: “I was instantly attracted to him sexually and mentally.

“I wasn’t freaked out, as it just felt so natural, but I didn’t tell anyone about it because I knew it wasn’t ‘normal’ to have feelings for a fairground ride.”

Ten years later, she decided to go back to Knoebels Amusement Park to declare her love. She now sleeps with a picture of the ride on her ceiling and carries its spare nuts and bolts around to feel closer to it.

Of course it’s normal: it could be the fairground gene and even if it isn’t it is simply a lifestyle choice. Who are we to judge what is normal; soon you will both be getting married in an Anglican church, adopting babies – if you don’t reproduce any little nuts of your own – and organising pride parades.

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2 Comments

  1. That picture’s worth a thousand words. Sometimes, unspeakable words, but still a thousand of ’em, fair and square.

    Did I miss a detail? Which U.S. church is this person an organist in?

    Comment by Dude — August 8, 2009 @ 2:37 am

  2. Wouldn’t that be a “ride” parade?

    Comment by Muriel — August 8, 2009 @ 12:11 pm


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