Anglican Samizdat

August 12, 2009

The dawning of the age of braless United Church Ladies

Filed under: United Church — David Jenkins @ 5:48 pm

The United Church, in its zeal for punishing Israel’s commitment to democracy and protecting its own people, is calling for a boycott of the following products (page 78):

Ambi Pur, AOL Time Warner, Aoste, Apax Partners & Co. Ltd., Aramis, Arsenal FC, Auchan, Bali, Ball Park, Biotherm, Banana Republic, Bryan, Buitoni, Café Pilāo, Calvin Klein, Carnation, Carrefour, Caterpillar, Champion, Clinique, CNN, Coca-Cola, Danone, Delta Galil, Dim, Disney, Donna Karan, DYNK, Estée Lauder, Express, Expo Design Center, Evian, Fruitopia, Gap, Garnier, General Electric, Georgia Lighting, Giorgio Armani, Gossard, HarperCollins, Hanes, Helen Rubinstein, Henri Bendel, Hema, Hillshire Farms, The Home Depot, Huggies, Hugo Boss, ICQ, IBM, Intel, Intimate brands, J. Crew, JC Penney, Jimmy Dean, Johnson & Johnson, Jo Malone, Just My Size, Kimberley-Clark, Kia Ora, Kiwi, Kleenex, Kotex, Lancôme, La Roche-Posay, Lea-Perrin, L’eggs, Lerner New York, Lewis Trust Group Ltd., Libby’s, Lilt, The Limited Inc., Lindex, L’Oreal, Loveable, MAC Cosmetics, Maggi, Maison Café, Marks & Spencer, MAST Industries, Inc., Matrix, Maybelline, McDonald’s, Nestlé, News Corporation, News of the World, New York & Company, New York Post, Nokia, Nur Die, Nursery World, Outerbanks, Origins, Perrier, Pickwick, Playtex, Prescriptives, Pryca, Ralph Lauren, Redken, Revlon, River Island, Santex, Sara Lee, Schweppes, Selfridges, Sky, Starbucks, Structure, The Sun, Sunkist, Superior Coffee, Tchibo, Timberland, Time, Tommy Hilfiger, Twentieth Century Fox, Vichy Laboratories, Victoria’s Secret, Villager’s Hardware, Vittel, The White Barn Candle Co., and Wonderbra.

I think this is an excellent move since United Church ladies will not only be braless, but also without computers, McDonald’s hamburgers, Starbucks and – the real crippler – Victoria’s Secret. In fact, what’s left of the entire United Church might as well move to a cave in Afghanistan, clear their consciences and leave the rest of us to enjoy our hamburgers while reading News of the World.



  1. Home Depot? Others are threatening to boycott them because they support and contribute to gay pride parades. My goodness! What’s a conciencious liberal to do?

    Comment by John K — August 13, 2009 @ 11:13 am

  2. Oh no, there are too many upper-middle-class Lefty luxuries to be lost if this list is used; the listmakers should have first taken a good hard look at just who the usual parishioners are, or, at least those who are still there. The standard reality in such cases is, “Do as I say, not as I do”. Having to give up certain of these choice brands would mean that they are no longer in the cool, progressive class (they only advocate for the down-and-outs; they would be horrified to be one!, and therefore there would be no point trying to show off in a cool, progressive manner by boycotting Israel. It’s all one package.

    Comment by Ann — August 14, 2009 @ 10:49 am

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